Grunt Land

Letter from an ex-soldier

2009-06-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

Josh Steiber is a veteran who decided war was incompatible with his values and became a conscientious objector. Here's a letter he sent me.

Hi Drew, Thanks for your comment on the blog. It takes alot of psychological insight to see beyond the attitudes people put up about deployment. It is a very un-natural thing and they're doing their best to compensate for it. It took me a while to move from intimidation or bitterness towards how people were acting, and to start feeling compassion. The military, above all, wants you to kill without thought.

You are with other people trapped in this situation and the more you can do to maintain the humanity of yourself, the other soldiers, and the people you will be "serving" in Iraq, the more you will perserving that compassion. If that is your goal, understand that it will be hard, that there are times when you will be ostricized. Even refusing to go along with the stereotype of "Hadji" and classifying all Iraqis and ignorant and backwards can be a bold statement. And easy as it seems to just "go with the flow", it defenitely catches up with people. The people who, during deployment, are usually the ones joking about killing and death are the ones who are desperate and depressed days, months, even years after the fact. I'm sure you've witnessed it even since you've been with the unit. Guys like Denino thought they had all the power in the world and that they could bend themselves morally and it wouldn't make a difference, but sooner or later it will fall apart.

I forget which book I lent you, but I probably won't get to reading it soon or really have a good mailing address, so you can hang on to it. Also, I've been reading through one called Calming the Fearful Mind: A Zen Answer to Terrorism and it is extremely helpful both in helping you internally make sense of how emotions and inward conditions effect people and in how it plays out in external expression. I wish I had a better understanding of this when I was deployed and been able to give a better answer for why the way most guys handle things is both immoral and in the long run, inpractical and uneffective.

If you ever want advice on anything or just want to give updates on how everything is going, I would definitely enjoy that correspondence. Best wishes to you as you prepare for deployment, use this time to establish yourself and spiritually prepare to humbly stand firm through this experience.

Sincerely,Josh Stieber

Essenmacher's bad news

2009-06-28T09:18:00.000-07:00

I was spending time with another private in my squad, and apparently his brother who was wounded in an IED attack has 2-8 years to live with his injuries. He can't have kids, is bedridden, and is getting $4000.00 a month from the government from his med board.

Wow (New Post)

2009-06-20T22:08:00.000-07:00

I wrote these other things close to a year ago, right before I left for Basic Training at Fort Benning, GA. It's almost like rediscovering another person, a lot's changed since then. I promise I'll update ASAP, a lot's happened since then.

Recruiter Commonalities (Old Post)

2009-06-20T21:46:00.000-07:00

All of the recruiters I've met have one thing in common; they hate their jobs. Recruiting assignments are seemingly random, as Sgt. Wilson described it, "they take a whole lot of names, put em in a hat, and draw a couple". Several of them weren't even from Missouri, this just happened to be where they needed recruiters. Apparently the small dying towns around here are ripe territory for young guys and gals aiming to make more than minimum wage for the rest of their lives. The Marines stake out Macon, a small town about fifty miles south of my University, while the Army hits LaPlata, Adair, and other places pretty heavily.Marine Sgt. Corbett turned down a spot as a Drill Instructor because a buddy of his said the D.I. school was hell, but then later said it was the greatest job on the planet. Army Sgt. Wilson apparently resented the job and said that it would take an act of god to get him out of this spot.It's hard work; many of them get into their office at 7:00 A.M. and leave around 8:00 P.M. They have to drive all over, make thousands of cold calls, and realize that more than half of the people coming into their office wanting to join the military will fail out. Above all this, they have quotas in wartime. And on top of that, they have to manage the Delayed Entry Program and get the kids who want to join the military and are fit for service ready for Recruit Training, Basic Training, etc. It's thankless work, and the cherry on top is that the media vilifies you. If the military ever sends me a letter congratulating me on my new position ushering new recruits into the armed services, I'll break out "Dancing Queen", get a stash of nose candy, proclaim my lifelong love of Boy George all while protesting the unconstitutional nature of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Beer and Pussy (Old Entry)

2009-06-20T21:42:00.000-07:00

I decided to drop in late on a weekend to the Army recruiting office but they'd already packed up. I turned around to leave and saw this smiling, heavyset older guy (maybe mid 30's) who was wearing Chief rank in the Navy and immediately introduced himself and asked if I wanted to take a seat and hear about the Navy. Chief is a really gregarious guy, the kind of person I can only describe as being very comfortable speaking.Chief asked me what I thought about the Army and what appealed to me, asked me to take a practice ASVAB before I told him that I'd already been to MEPS and scored a 98. He asked me what job I wanted in the Army and when I said infantry he kind of scoffed and said, "Listen, you're too smart to be a bullet target somewhere, and when you leave what are you gonna do? Be a cop?" Then he went into his pitch about how the Navy Nuclear Program was putting guys in and then they were receiving 90k+ for reactor positions when they left, and how that would be great for me.I said that sounded interesting (honestly, it kind of did and I wanted to humor the guy) and he went into his tirade about how I'd travel, party, get drunk and laid, etc. He had some real gems and really got into it, I was trying not to laugh but he really got into it.

I'll give him credit, he met with me again later that week and went out to get some lunch. The guy even brought in a former Nuke Tech to tell me how great it was, and this other guy who ran the recruiting station in town. I enjoyed talking to him at first but then he started calling me all the time, once at 6:38 in the morning and up to six or seven times a day...I told him to back off at that point and haven't spoken to him since.

We Want You! (Old Entry)

2009-06-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

I picked up card for Sgt. Wilson, US Army, whose office is right across the hall from the Marine Recruiter. This has the potential for some drama...I gave him a call later that day and mentioned my story, and he informed me that he had been a Marine prior to joining the Army. I scheduled an appointment with him for the next day, and the guy was half an hour late so I chatted up with flunkie working at the station who had some interesting stories from Iraq. I specifically asked him what the difference between the Marines and the Army was, and he told me a story about his time there..."So we're rolling out, and these Marines are in the sector we're patrolling (he said that didn't make sense) and they saw these three big brown bags on the road and naturally wanted to check whether they were IEDS and partially blocked the road with their vehicles. These Marines roll right next to the IEDS and ask what's going on, to which this guy said, "Well, you practically just drove over them, so they probably aren't IED's, but we'll have EOD check it out. The Marines don't want to wait, so they grab some Iraqi guy and tell him to run up and kick all three of the bags, which he does and nothing happens. Crazy huh?"The Army, for all it's faults, is infinetly more flexible than the Marine Corps. They offer incredibly short terms (15 months +training at the lowest) and were very up front about their special forces and army ranger schools after I stated that I wanted to be Infantry. Sgt. Wilson "And I can guarantee that you won't be deployed"Me "You don't get it, I want to go to Afghanistan"Sgt. Wilson "Oh, well, don't worry. If you join a ranger or SF group, you'll get sent somewhere."All in all, I'm starting to like what they're selling. The Marines basically wanted to tell you how to do everything, but left you hanging when you were in a fix. These people are willing to work with me, and seem to have less of a "sales" atmosphere than the Corps. I'm definetly interested.
Prospects in the Army:
15 Month Deployment as a groundpounder
5 Year 18X Special Forces Contract

Job Hunting (old entry)

2009-06-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

I've said this before, but many of these posts are older and have already happened. I'm merely posting journal entries in the order I wrote them.The Marines have refused to pay for a neuro-exam and aren't being very cooperative. This wouldn't be an issue, but insurance typically won't cover this sort of thing unless it's for a medical emergency or prevention. I'm possibly looking at a bill over $1000.00.The recruiter went as far to suggest that I borrow money from my parents or take out a loan, and I simply will not do that.This prompted me to check out the Army and the Navy to see if their programs are more generous.

Temporary Disqualification (old post)

2009-06-20T21:37:00.000-07:00

I'll post the MEPS letter when I get a chance to get home, but in essence they gave me a DQ due to my sports injury that happened eight years ago until I can get a neuro-examination to prove I'm A-OK. Already have one scheduled. Otherwise I checked out and back into it, it shouldn't be an issue.

PULHES111121

ASVAB: 98

GT:138

Youtube Criticisms (old post)

2009-06-20T21:36:00.001-07:00

Despite the fact that the Armed Forces are strictly volunteer, apparently some people are offended by our patriotism. A simple "God Bless the Corps." on my part, posted on a youtube Marine Commercial video warranted me the following message in my inbox;From KobeisKing89:"u think the world cares about american soilders in Iraq....or whereever u bastards are.....we pray to see death reports with u fuckers in it i hope u all die over their and i hope karma finds a hole for ur cold heart and ur soul...... everyone knows american soilders are pussys that go threw the mill and just fuckin get tossed over there dont pretend ur something ur just a puppet that ur goverment uses u peice of worthless trsh i hope ur life is filled with death and dissapointment"I don't get it, this guy is obviously American and benefiting from our servicemen and women whether he likes it or not, and still finds time in his busy schedule to write stuff like this. Kids these days.

Quote of the Day; “Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.”

Military Entrance Processing Station

2009-06-20T21:35:00.001-07:00

I got up around 4:30 A.M. at the Hotel in Kansas City to get dressed and showered; breakfast was at 4:45, checkout was 5:15, and the shuttle departed at 5:30. In the morning I met a fine crew of assholes and it reminded me of the first day at St. John’s; a collection of shitbag gloaters who’ll end up as losers, scared kids that’ll probably be fine, and some returning servicemen. The army guys in particular seem like trash mentally and physically; the Marines were alright, except for one fat body (who scored a 91 on his AFQT, and planned on entering intelligence field) and this other kid who stuck close to me around but almost never said anything (a 17 year old high school senior in remarkable shape) . I guess I’m the unelected leader of our troupe. Overall there were about ninety people that went to processing that day.The station itself is a complex where you’ll spend most of your time being shuffled from one station to the next. Various tests, such as a breathalyzer, drug test, vision, hearing, etc are administered.The ASVAB is an intelligence test that measures general knowledge as well as technical proficiency in several fields. I scored well with my AFQT (Armed Forces Qualification Test) at a 98. My line scores were good (scores in areas like technical, science, anatomy, etc) With this, no job, as long as it’s open, is refused to me. I even qualified (in the intellectual component) for the famed Marine Recon (GT 105). I can dream I guess. I scored the highest of anything taking the test that day.I performed exceptionally well on hearing test (perfect score, which is rare vs, perfect sight which is fairly common) as well. The gentleman administering the test was a colored clerk who saw my AFQT and said, “Boy, they’ll have a fun time finding an MOS for you.” I mentioned I was a Marine Combat Machine Gunner and he laughed, “Yeah, that’s where they need brains, and all those boys are deaf as hell. You might want to reconsider that.” I spoke with him and he mentioned his divorce, and how he didn’t pay any settlement to his ex, and that his lawyer was a lesbian.The eye guy was a real character; this old bastard with a black eye patch and a salty personality. After the test, he commented that my vision was so bad that if I went out on a Friday night without them, I’d be liable to end up taking a man home by mistake. The guy had his shit together, and the test was done soon. If I qualify for Lasik Surgery, I’ll take advantage of it.The only real tie up was at the medical interview with the doc; I decided to be open with all of my past medical demons, and my prior head injury was the center piece of my confession. He said they’d need a file from the Hospital before I could sign my contract and swear in. After the good old “turn your head and cough” bit, he reviewed my portfolio. Noticing my AFQT, he asked which branch I was going into and whether or not I was going to college anywhere. “With a score like this, you need to be.” I said I was a Machine Gunner in the Corps. And he seemed taken aback by it.ADD Note; I’m the only professed combat MOS here of all the branches. I’ve spoken with just about everyone, and I’ve spoken to future counselors, technicians, MP’s, and nurses, but no dick swinging 03XX’s. Why the hell do you join the military if you can do the same thing in the private sector and make 2x, 3x, 4x as much?I took a break to get lunch and saw that my parents had showed up in the waiting room. I invited them in the cafeteria and had some food while my dad badgered me about other MOS’s that I should do because I’m “More qualified and it would be better for my future”. He threw out being a linguist or an intelligence officer, and even was trying to sell the idea of being an interrogator. Great, like I want to bother some helpless guy in a small room for information about his friends and co-conspirators. He even wanted to go into the contract signing with me, and I blew him off. He got to live through me twice with Music and Sports; I’m not giving him this to dictate his ideas. Fuck off.I needed a social security card, and was sent out with a Marine Corporal who struck me as anything but disciplined. Wearing a perversion of the high and tight haircut, this guy had tattoos’ all over his arms and neck (exposed skin) an interesting guy, he was my age and had a trashed pickup. Apparently he was heading back to California. I asked him about Iraq, and whether it was as boring as the media made it out to be for soldiers, and he enthusiastically said, “Fuck no, man, it’s great. You’ll kill all sorts of fuckers there, especially as a 0331. (He was the same job I wanted). Infantry is great man, it’s like a big fucking fraternity in the barracks. We killed over 300 Hajji’s and lost 22, I’d say we won.” Apparently he came from a trailer park in the bad park of Kansas City before enlisting. Had good taste in Music, lots of gentle acoustic tunes and Jack Johnson. Apparently he’d been a big weed and mushrooms hippie before he joined up, and he bragged how he’d received $70,000.00 for reenlisting.On the ride back after all this with my parents, they didn’t say anything. Part of me wanted a Kodak Moment, for them to say they were proud of me, but I know that isn’t going to happen. I’ll be glad to be on my own, and with the Reserves to pay most if not all of my college tuition, I’ll have that much less of a link to them.

Tell it to the Marines (old entry)

2009-06-20T21:34:00.001-07:00

After arriving back in early January, I stopped by the local recruiting office after setting up an appointment with a guard recruiter, but the bastard hadn't even shown up. Must have had a good month or something.A Marine Recruiter, Sgt. Corbett, had seen me go down the hall and stepped out of his office to talk to me. I told him that I was thinking about the Guard or Reserves in the Army, and he went on a tirade about how they didn't train well, how they were being deployed all the time, and that if I wanted to be an infantryman (which I did) the Corps. was the way to go. We spoke for nearly two hours, and afterwards he told me to get back to him about it, and take it from there.The Marine Reserves offered nothing in the way of bonuses, compared to the $20,000.00 basically assured to you if you joined the Guard. What appealed to me was the training, sleek uniform, and the ability to call myself a Marine. Money wasn't a big issue, and even saying that you rejected the bonus had it's own sort of Spartan appeal to me. I came back and met with him several times before signing everything and heading down to MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station) in Kansas City.

The army? (old entry)

2009-06-20T21:33:00.001-07:00

I'd thought about joining during my time in Japan, first I thought more about the National Guard, but with the prospect of immediate deployment (most guard units are on a rotating schedule) I figured I should look into either a more secure reserve unit or active duty...not much happened other than me looking into the Marine Reserves and the National Guard and sending them an email while I finished out my vacation overseas and explored Kyoto, The Japanese Alps, and Hokkaido.

Silver Bullets (old entry)

2009-06-20T21:31:00.000-07:00

I spent some time in Tokyo late in 2007. I've heard people describe it as a utopia where crime is low, laws are followed, and people know their place. I'd disagree.It's an orderly country, utterly governed by rules and not conscience. The kind of place where people all wait in line, but beggar's don't ask for money because they know no one will help them. I spent a lot of time in the KabukiCho area, which ironically contains both the federal governing buildings as well as the most notorious red light district. They're literally one block away from each other, and the area is full of young schoolgirls parading on old men's arms.My life there was alright, I spent time in the city, goofed off in class, made friends and blew an unreasonable amount of Yen with the Koreans on weekends. I'd saved quite a bit for this excursion financially, and it was some time to let off some steam from the previous schoolyear. The partying bit was fun, but it was here that I found something out about myself.I'd always assumed that I'd go to school, get a job, save money, and do this sort of thing. That materialistic mindset was my model for life; I'm not particularly religious and having a family isn't something I'm planning on. I'm twenty one, and other than pursuing a better cigar, nicer suit, or an older port, I had no real reason to get up in the morning. While I had a blast over there, it also forced me to reexamine myself, and what I found wasn't particularly comforting; I was doing the wrong things with my life.I spent a lot of time thinking about this. Before I came, I always thought money would satisfy me and enable me to do anything I wanted; my dad puts money on a pedestal, but then again he doesn't have any friends, and spends all his time reading self help books who's advice he never implements. I had to figure something out that might make me proud of myself.Quote of the Day; "When you're a little kid, you're a little bit of everything. Artist, scientist, athlete, scholar... Sometimes it seems like growing up is the process of giving those things up. One by one. I guess we all have one thing we regret giving up. One thing we really miss. That we gave up because we were too lazy or, we couldn't stick it out or, because we were afraid. "